Grumpy Monkey: Letting Big Feelings Be Big
- Kelsey Thomas
- Oct 11
- 2 min read
by a Kelsey, a trauma therapist in Portland
If you’ve read Grumpy Monkey, you know the drill: Jim Panzee wakes up in a mood and everyone around him scrambles to fix it. “Try a walk!” “Have some honey!” “Smile!” The more they prescribe happiness, the worse Jim feels—until he finally admits it: “I’m grumpy.” He sits with it. He lets his body feel what it feels. And eventually, the weather shifts.
As a trauma therapist in Portland, I see this all the time—in kids, in adults, in myself. We’re taught to hack our feelings instead of having them. But Grumpy Monkey nails a core truth of nervous-system care: emotions aren’t problems; they’re processes. Grumpiness, sadness, overwhelm—these states pass more easily when they’re allowed, named, and co-regulated, not when they’re forced into a smile.
What I love about Jim’s day is how ordinary it is. Nothing magical fixes him. No perfect routine saves the morning. He just notices his mood, lets his body be heavy, and accepts a little company that doesn’t demand he “cheer up.” In trauma work, that’s gold: pressure to “feel better” can make us feel worse. Permission is often the doorway out.
When we stop pathologizing a feeling, we make space for the body to move through it—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly—without getting stuck in shame. That’s the difference between “What’s wrong with me?” and “Something strong is moving through me.” One collapses the nervous system; the other supports it.
A tiny practice for grumpy days (kid- and adult-friendly)
Think: BANANA—because when you’re grouchy, you deserve a snackable plan.
B — Breathe 4 slow breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Shoulders drop.
A — Acknowledge Name the feeling out loud: “I’m grumpy.” (Kids can use a card or emoji.) No fixing, just naming.
N — Notice Where do you feel it—jaw, belly, fists? Put a palm there. Warm hand, slow breath.
A — Allow (for 2 minutes) Set a short timer. We’re not spiraling; we’re witnessing. You can sit, sway, or stomp
N — Neighbor Ask for calm company: “Will you sit with me?”. Or be in proxy to other regulated nervous systems (I like going to the movies). Co-regulation beats pep talks.
A — Act gently One low-effort kindness: drink water, step onto the porch, put on soft socks, stretch for 30 seconds. That’s it.
Parents/caregivers: model the script. “I’m feeling grumpy. I’m going to breathe and sit for two minutes. You can be with me if you want.”
Grumpiness isn’t a character flaw—it’s a nervous system state asking for room.
Benediction
May your moods arrive without apology and leave without force.
May your body feel safe enough to feel what it feels.
May the people around you offer presence instead of pressure.
And on the days when grumpiness hangs like a cloud, may you remember: weather always changes.
Reach out for trauma informed therapy for those in Portland, OR or virtual folks in OR in MN on my contact page.
