The Happiness Trap: A Therapist's Tips on How to Set Sail Toward What Matters

One of the most striking images in The Happiness Trap is the idea of being on a boat, drifting at sea with demons chained below deck. As long as you don’t make a move toward the shore—your goals, dreams, or values—those demons stay quiet. But the second you even try to row closer to land, they come roaring out, growling and snarling, acting like they’ll tear you apart if you keep going. It’s intimidating enough to make you wonder whether maybe you should just stay out at sea forever. But here’s the key: no matter how terrifying they appear, those demons are chained. They can’t actually harm you; they just want you to believe they can.

In that sense, our “demons” is the negative self talk we tell ourselves—fear of failure, the voice that says we’re not enough, or that we are inherently bad. When we move in the direction of our true values, those voices tend to get louder, trying to scare us off. The trick, according to Russ Harris, isn’t to banish them (spoiler: you can’t). Instead, notice them for what they are: all bark, no real bite, and certainly not the boss of you.

A Brief Exercise: Rowing Toward Your Values Anyway

1. Identify One Value Pick a single value that feels deeply important to you—maybe it’s being in a supportive community, doing standup, or sobriety.

2. Listen for Growls Picture yourself taking one small action that aligns with this value—maybe it's going to a meetup, carving out ten minutes to write in a journal, or introducing yourself to someone new. Now, tune into any internal “demon voices” that pipe up: “I’m too busy,” “I’m not good enough,” “It won’t really make a difference.”

3. Label the Chains Take a moment to write down those negative and unhelpful messages exactly as they appear. Then remind yourself: They’re just words. They’re not facts, and they have no power unless you hand it over to them.

4. Take a Step Pick one modest action—like sending a supportive text, signing up for a short volunteer shift, or simply brainstorming a creative project idea. The demons may growl, but watch how they stay on their chains, unable to hold you back.

   
   

Benediction

May you find the courage to row toward the shore of your values, knowing that the voices trying to stop you can only snarl in the background. May each small step forward remind you that your hopes and dreams matter, and that no demon—real or imagined—can truly keep you from living a life in alignment with what you hold dear. And may each gentle step toward your values remind you that you are free to live a meaningful life—demons and all.